I just can't find any good reason to do that.
But I did it! Exactly today on last minute. Right before I write this post.
I wanna do this for long time ago, but just have no courage.
Till I found out, that I need a time for myself.
To laugh, to smile, to grumble, to cry even self suicide.
I just hate being me now.
Everyone expect me to do things they want me to do.
I know, they want all best for me, but they just don't know how to show it.
Maybe this is the best I can say, even my mind just ruined by that.
Complicated, huh?
That's why I wanna be a murderer.
I won't kill anybody but my personal life now.
I just hate being compared.
But many people do that to me.
I know, they want to courage me to do something good for my own sake.
But do they know, it's even bring me down?
And do they know, now nobody beside me that would lift me up just like those days before?
Don't pretend you know me so well.
When I even never told you the painful days I've been passing through.
You call yourself a best friend when you never know your friends are trying to hide their suffers with their fake smile?
You call yourself a mother/father when you don't know such things could kill your own daughter or son with their own hands?
I even don't know who I become now.
Words you've said are true.
And all I've been trying to satisfy you are nothing.
Forever, before your eyes... I'm just nothing.
When you compared me to someone you just know not long time ago.
Never say sorry is your pride.
Lies are forbidden but you make us say it.
I've lost the best things I ever had, before I realize it.
Blank.
I have nothing left.
Awkward than ever, I tried hard to forget but it lives inside me.
I want my brother back!
I want my Mom back just like we used to be.
I want my best friends back!
I want them back!
Give 'em back to me!
I know I'm being the pathetic one now.
Coward.
Stupid.
I hate putting on a show! I need them, I love them!
But sometimes, I just being so selfish and doubtful.
Few days ago I've been thinking to accept a new family.
I don't know how come.
Just because I've been in denial all the time.
Always putting me on a fire when feels disappoint of something.
And become reconcile when they are gathered.
Envy.
Of course. No faking. It makes me looked as the bad one.
Smile. That's the best I can do before I realize I betray my own promise.
I wanna make him smile and feel the happiness I will never be able to give.
Sometimes I try to heal these wounds by doing something useless.
And these scars will recover itself.
One day, for sure.
I think I should stay away. I know it would make even better for all.
But can I live without them?
I don't know for sure.
I hope time will stay a little bit longer, and help me find out what should I do with my life.
One thing I wanna hear is I'm a great burden, so that I can leave without hesitation.
So, just for now...
Let me breathe...
Even for a while it would be a great meaning for me.
See you Facebook, See you Twitter
I hope I'll recover soon then I'll back to hear the stories that everyone wanna share with.
